Bored at work

My coworker T has just armed himself with a Tide pen and a plastic knife and is begging someone to fight him with a strange look in his eye.

He said it as well as I can

One less settler
For me, making aliya means creating a small, but vital, shift in Israel’s balance. By becoming an oleh chadash, Israel will have one more Progressive Zionist pursuing a two-state resolution and one less West Bank settler. In this sense, making aliya is more ‘pro-Palestine’ than the posturing of Jews for Justice for Palestinians or Independent Jewish Voices, with their de facto boycott of the Israeli Peace Movement, will ever be.

run, don't walk, through the internets and...

http://www.drhorrible.com/act_I.html

No sleep 'till Brooklyn!

The weekend was fully taken up by the semi-obligatory.

Saturday was no sleep 'till Brooklyn - picked up keys to my new apartment in the morning. And showed mom that I now live between a car junkyard and a car repair shop. She was not happy about this, but the new place is gorg. Requires a little cleaning, but gorg. Trying to figure out how to break it to my roommates that I wanna bring in a cleaning lady...my treat, but torn with not wanting to look like a total JAP from go.

This was followed by Mom's bday party at SpaCastle, formerly InSpa. Awesome! Massaged and scrubbed by Korean ladies in bras and panties until my skin is super smooth, then hang out in hot tubs on the roof with views of the Whitestone Bridge. I dug it. And some yummy Korean food, on the cheap (the only cheap thing here!)

Sunday was spent mostly at a bridal shower in a fancy hotel. Lots of rich ladies and fancy presents made me feel better about the fact that I ended up spending more than twice as much as I had originally planned on my gift. (Promise, right now - when that day comes, that I walk down an aisle, there will be no one in a matching dress ahead of me!)

I missed my little cousin's birthday party on Sunday because I had to go wait for a matress to be delivered. Otherwise i would've had to take off half a day from work. I figured I'd buy the kid a nice gift with the money I will earn instead, he's probably like that more anyway!

Some highlights were just remembering the way my 10, 8, and 7 year old cousins treat me like I fully belong at the kids table at family functions (like the 8 year old's family bday party this weekend), and when I tell them I can't make a school concert or some such where my presence is requested (what, they really like me!), nod understandingly at my overwhelming amount of 'homework'. Some teachers are mean...having a glass of sangria and wings with Bratik in the backyard of what I think will be one of my new locals...the canoli filling in chocolate cake at brunch Sunday!

Lowlights were the bridal shower I attended for my oldest friend. She's great, (we've grown apart a bit but she did ask me to be in her wedding) but some ofher friends are scarey bridezillas! I was afraid. Oh, and I made a hat out of ribbons. Highlight or low point? I dunno, I've always liked crafts...

Here's a survey question for the wedding in two months. Single? (Aparently all the grooms friends are married or coupled. Don't know that there will be any single dudes, but will have to check this out again.) Bring the x who is very social and loves parties like this (so he is totally fine on his own) but doesn't approve of me getting toasty? Or the friend who is not quite as outgoing but non-judgemental if I get tanked and he has to clean off my purple floor length strapless gown?

Celebrating a friend's belated birthday found me playing me on the Lower East Side last night.

Gossip Girl was filming on the surrounding blocks, which lots of lights and self important people and portable trailers. It was quite unexciting, except our dirty old lady discussion of whether or not we'd do the male cast members. I've yet to see the program, so I had to opt out, but the general consensus was yes.

We had gathered first in an Italian cafe over drinks, then when our table at Barrio Chino was up, 90 minutes later we moseyed over for jalapeno infused lime margaritas.

Told more friends about my impending moves. To Brooklyn this weekend and Israel in December. They promise to come visit; since two of us lived in Queens and the other two in Brooklyn, that might even happen in Brooklyn. I'm much more confident of them coming to visit in Israel...

Green turtles and monkeys and slothes, oh my!

Back from a vacay in Costa Rica that featured SLOTHS and monkeys and assorted birds, frogs, a snake, and copulating green turtles...

This weekend, amongst a Shabbat dinner, birthday party, mother's birthday spa day, and oldest friend's wedding shower, I need to pack up stuff form my old apartment, my parents' house, move into a new apartment, buy and take delivery of a mattress, and install an air conditioner.

Cake, right?

Oh, and complete two reports for the court. I'm in a permanent state of finishing these court appointed cases that started in 2005, and maybe, just maybe, possibly getting some sort of compensation for them...maybe. Probably not, but we can hope.

But my new apartment features many things, among which, a really nice spacious kitchen and dining room area - it's a huge loft, big enough to roller skate in the living room and fit an entire Manhattan studio or one bedroom in my bedroom.

Ch-ch-changes...

My truiumphant return to the blogosphere comes because I've finally got things going on!

I've been keeping my head down, for a while now. Plodding through, working (a lot), stressing about stuff but not addressing it, etc.

But the past few months I've been really trying to live honestly. Because I've always had a fear of being passive, but sometimes passive is easier! Even though in the long run it usually ends up badly.

So............drumroll..................I have decided that I can now safely and with confidence announce that I plan to move to Israel this December. I don't know if I feel comfortable with the word aliyah, and i am still not 100% sure if I will be making aliyah - that will be another entry, and if anyone reading (if anyone is still reading) has any advice on the matter, that would be super.

I've kept quite mum about it, mostly because I didn't want it to be another one cockamamie plans that comes to naught. But I've been slowly working on the things that were tying me to New York (work-wise and finance-wise, because my family and friends and New Yorker-ness will always tie me to New York) and see an end in sight.

Meanwhile, I'm moving to a new apartment in the Prospect Heights neighborhood of Brooklyn, as soon as I return from a trip to Costa Rica - I'm leaving at the end of the week.

It feels good to be back...

Do Jewish Men Hate Jewish Women?

I came across an article that led me to this conclusion. The article cites a Brandeis professor has something to say about the topic:

Fishman conducted studies in the late 1990's in which groups of Jewish men, non-Jewish men, Jewish women and non- Jewish women in and around Los Angeles were asked to choose, from among many photos of anonymous females, a "typical Jewish woman" and to describe her. They were then asked to describe the "ideal Jewish woman."

The last three groups - male and female gentiles, as well as Jewish women - overwhelmingly described Jewish women in neutral or positive terms such as "smart," "able to talk about anything," "beautiful," "voluptuous" and "well-read." In describing the ideal Jewish woman, they used the same terms.

The responses of Jewish men were markedly different. They were likely to describe the typical Jewish woman as "talking too much," "having to have an opinion about everything," "obsessed with food," "overweight" and "materialistic." And when they described the "ideal" Jewish woman, they chose different photos - of supermodels - and described them in opposite terms, such as "quiet," "not saying much" and "likes to listen."

My life...

So I made overtures for a girldate with someone I've known for a while and always intend to get to know better. This ensues and gives me my best laugh of the day:

Ari: Turns out I'm quite available for hanging out. At any time! Yay! Let me know when you're free - I'd love to get together.

ME:
Coolio.
I just got a new temp job, where I am working 7 days a week. But soon, def.

Ari :
What? Who works 7 days a week? Are you temping as a slave?

Me:
HAHAHAHAHA. Yes. Or a lawyer.

Document review is where it's at kids!

The Dating Game

I recently came across a blurb in Time Out about something called the Four Man Plan. In a nutshell, it's a book advising women to date multiple men at any one time, tell them about this fact by the first date, but only have sex with one guy at a time. Admit to this as well. This is supposed to do two things: a) make you less psycho if Will hasn't called because you are planning dates with Bob and Joe, and b) encourage men to treat you better, because their natural desire for sports and competition will emerge.

I referred this theory to Newly Married girlfriend. She told me she thought her husband would've been terrifically turned off. The song I am always hearing from female friends is that men don't want to commit. (I personally think that neither men nor women want to commit when it's so much easier being single than having to concern yourself with someone else's wishes, but that's another entry altogether.) Married Friend says men want to commit, they are just scared they are committing to the wrong thing. And if they meet a woman who tells them she's dating other men, that would put them off altogether.

I thought I needed some feedback from the mens. Guys? What do you think? What would you think if a woman made a point of telling you she was dating multiple men?